Random Musing from The Total Package

It’s a cloudy morning as I sit in my burrow away from my burrow (the local bakery) and enjoy a cup of coffee and a chocolate/caramel doughnut because aardvarks are REALLY into fitness.

I’ve been spending a lot of time editing my first full-length novel lately, but I just can’t get motivated to hit that chore this morning. I’ve hit a bit of a creative slump in recent days. Some of that is related to the fact that I’ve been spending time developing some training materials for a non-writing project I’m involved in. While I love what I do with that group, I have spent a lot of mental energy lately on that particular endeavor.

And … I have to be honest. Being a single aardvark at my age gets tiresome and weighs on me. I long to have a cute Mrs. Aardvark to snuggle up, laugh, and share life with. I continue to accept applications, but it’s kinda like hiring for a job. Some of those applicants are, well, sketchy, for lack of a more polite description. Alas, the search continues.

Don’t get me wrong. When I look at the total picture of my life, I’ve got it great! Spiritually, physically, financially, socially – I’ve had so many positive changes in my life these last few years, I’m amazed. Yeah, let’s face it – I’m an AWESOME example of total aardvarkness! It’s true, in my humble yet accurate opinion.

The Total Aardvark Package – THAT should be my new name, right?!?

But like everyone else, life takes its toll and sometimes wears me down. And that’s okay. I take that as a reminder to take some time to relax, rest, enjoy a doughnut, and appreciate all the blessings I have. No one has a perfect life, not even this world-famous blogging aardvark. But I look at the world around me, and the people around me, and think …

Yeah, I got it pretty good.

I had no idea where this post was going when I started typing. But I think it ended in a pretty good spot.

Yeah – The Total Aardvark Package. That’s gonna stick, I feel it!!!!

Back From Hibernation

Hm. Do aardvarks hibernate? Or do they like taking really long naps? You know, for like six months or longer? Because it was apparently last May when I last ventured out into Blogland (Blogworld, DisneyBlog, Six Flags Over Blog?) I hadn’t poked my sharp little claws in this particular place for some time, so I thought I’d shake off the cobwebs and see what pearls of wisdom I could extract from my incredible varkky mind to share with the world.

I finished the rough draft of my second fictional novel late last fall. Finally! And now the next big step … editing!!! I’ve decided to get serious and try to get published. So I’m spending time editing my first book, and that is quite the chore! I joined a local writer’s group last fall and that helped me to learn a lot about writing, in general. The group sadly folded near the holidays, but it was worth the time.

I’ve also returned to serve in a ministry that’s very dear to my heart and made me a whole new and better aardvark. I love doing what I do; it gives me a chance to give back a little. Here’s a tip: never pass on opportunities like that!

With my doc’s help, I was able to drop one of the blood pressure meds I used to take. That’s a big step for me! Just gotta keep moving forward!

Still no Mrs. Aardvark in the picture (or anywhere near the camera, for that matter). Applications are still being accepted, however!

Overall, life is good for this world-famous blogging aardvark. The claws are sharp, the ears are pointy, and the cute little tail still spins when I get excited (or is that TMI?). Only time will tell!

I don’t know how often I’ll be back on here. I’m still neck-deep in editing, but I didn’t want to let all 3 of my fans think I’d forgotten you.

Whoever you are.

Takin’ A Break

So, I guess everyone who reads this blog (all 3 of you) has noticed that I’ve been … shall we say, lackadaisical in posting any content lately. I know, it’s a shock. But it’s true. I haven’t given this blog the attention it needs, even though I love doing it. It allows my humorous, smart-aleck side to come out in a safe environment where no one will try to smack me for a comment I may make. And believe me, that’s a blessing for me!

But the truth is that I’m deeply involved in writing my second novel on top of everything else I do during the week to keep myself sane. And honestly, my schedule doesn’t appear to be easing up any time soon.

So, this is to announce that I’m taking a break from the blog. I’m not going to take it down, and I may occasionally throw something out there just to see if anyone’s looking. It won’t be permanent because I do enjoy posting here. But right now, I can’t do it justice, so it’s time to take a break. I wish everyone well, and hopefully, I’ll be back on before long, waxing poetic about a variety of topics in a way that only a world-famous blogging aardvark can.

You know … just shooting off at the mouth.

Take Me Out To … whatever that thing is …

So, my original intent had been to post Part 2 of my Catchphrase story that I did last time. But something happened recently that I just HAD to write about:

I went to my first Major League Baseball game! It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, to be sure. My buddy stopped and asked me about it while walking his dog. The next thing I knew, he called me and bought two tickets on StubHub for the weekend!

The game was on Sunday, but we chose to go halfway there on Saturday night and stay in a hotel. That should tell you we don’t live close to ANY major league team, but at least it was within driving distance. And of course, my buddy and I are both very mature, responsible, and level-headed individuals, with a deep appreciation for deeper things and heartfelt discussions about all aspects of life.

So, yeah, we made a lot of fart jokes and rude comments. Plus, we ate like pigs. (No insult to pigs intended. Just accept who you are.)

We awoke on Sunday morning and availed ourselves of fabulous breakfast cuisine. Yep, we were pigs again, only this time with coffee. And then it was off to the ballpark. We arrived early, not familiar with where we were going. But this gave us time to walk to and around the park, taking in the local atmosphere, enjoying the sights and sounds before a sporting event, and figuring out just where the heck we actually got into the place!

The gates finally opened, and in we went. We had plenty of time and made our way to our seats. The crowd hadn’t arrived in full force, so we could relax, soak in the ambiance, regale in the sights, and take in the view.

Yep. We were checking out the ball girls. You humans have some nice-looking species at ballparks.

Since we had time, my buddy walked around, purchased a souvenir ball cap, and had to obtain a traditional hot dog and some Cracker Jack. And he insisted on bringing me a hot dog, as well.

Note to all pigs. Don’t eat those things. They might be your cousin.

Well, I had to take a moment to walk around myself. As you may know, aardvarks are huge fans of M&Ms, especially the peanut kind. And my buddy, while not an aardvark, also shares that same quality. So of course, two boxes of those incredible treats went back with me. And I even gave my buddy one of them!

But at last, the crowd began to arrive, filling the seats in the park and educating me on where the phrase “packed like sardines” comes from. Actually, I know sardines who would have said, “Move over, dude!” But I have to say, everyone of your species was especially friendly, and no ugliness ensured that I was aware of.

It was a bright and sunny day at the park, with almost no clouds in the sky and just a hint of a cool breeze in the air. Sounds really nice, right? Well, here’s a tip: even in April, you need sunscreen on a day like that, especially if you’re going to be outside for 3 – 4 hours. As sexy as they are, aardvarks do NOT look nice once they get a sunburn. We weren’t designed to glow like that. Trust me; I know things. Although I have to admin, the sunburn did generate some typical “guy humor” later, in the form of a bottle of aloe and how someone couldn’t help but squirt a tad early. I’ll let you do the math from there.

Oh, yeah. Some guys came out on the field in different color uniforms, and they threw a ball, and swung a stick at the ball, and ran around like a herd of antelope when a lion chases them. And the crowd yelled a lot but seemed rather sad at the end of the game. Apparently, the “visiting team” scored more than the “home team.”

I LOVE baseball!!!

(NOTE: The visiting team was my favorite baseball team, so I was pretty happy! It was my first game, and I saw my faves win! Good times!)

We All Need a Catchphrase (Pt. 1)

As the readers of this blog (all 4 of you) know, aardvarks are creatures of refined taste and only partake of the highest quality things in life. We indulge in fine food, wine, highbrow music, and only the best entertainment.

So yeah, I’m a professional wrestling fan. Yes, that’s right—pro wrestling. They’re like the great soap operas that once littered television screens; only they’re pumped up with testosterone. Dualing athletes push their bodies to the brink, engaging in titanic battles of strength, speed, stamina, and agility. Hurling fists, kicks, headbutts, dropkicks, and other physical maneuvers, all with intensity and high impact. Sometimes outside objects such as metal chairs, tables, kendo sticks, and chains are brought into the fray. And during all this, the combatants constantly yell, growl, grunt, and snarl at one another with a fierceness that would make an ordinary person run in fear.

And those are just the female wrestlers. The dudes are BRUTAL!

Of course, part of all this grand theater is “the promo.” That’s where a wrestler is interviewed by a ringside announcer and proceeds to pontificate about how great they are, and no one can defeat them, and how awesome they are and how their opponent in their big match has no chance, and how incredible they are …

You get the point.

And as always, the higher-end performers always have a catchphrase they always blend into their promo. It’s a brief statement that acts like a wrestler’s signature. Once you hear the catchphrase, you know immediately who it belongs to. Even some of you non-wrestling fans (a.k.a. heathens) are familiar with some of these sayings:

“To be the man, you gotta beat the man!”
“Rest … in … peace!”
“Watcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you!”
“I’m better than you, and you know it!”
“Can ya smell what the Rock is cookin’?”
“Say hello to the bad guy!”
“And that’s the bottom line, ’cause Stone Cold said so!”
“Leeroy Jenkins!!!!!”

No, wait. That last one is Deadpool.

So, I began to study this because that’s what aardvarks do. They know things because they study important subjects such as this. Then it hit me:

Why can’t we all have catchphrases? Something that identifies those of us who aren’t professional wrestlers or athletes or even in decent shape? Why should sculpted mountains of physical awesomeness wearing tights on televsion be the only ones deserving of such an honor?

Hmmmmmm……..

(more to come)

Dirty Words

Bet THAT title got your attention!

So, when I say the phrase “dirty words,” what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? Of course, most of us know (and have probably used) some of the classics. And no, I won’t post them on this blog. YOU know what they are, so elaboration isn’t needed here. And in today’s world, “cancel culture” has become so widespread that almost anything could be interpreted (or misinterpreted) as a dirty word, depending on who’s hearing or using the word or phrase.

Those aren’t the dirty words I’m writing about, however. The words I’m referring to aren’t those that are vulgar or those that some would deem offensive. No, what I’m talking about are words that, for some personal reason, represent something that evokes a response or reaction in us for some reason. Lemme ‘splain.

I’m involved with a men’s group (or should that be aardvark’s group), and our group leader challenged us at the beginning of the year. We all had to pick a specific word to focus on for the entirety of the year. It needed to be a word that caused us to challenge ourselves. So, being the world-famous, well-traveled, and highly intelligent aardvark that I am, I came to settle on a word that has since become so heinous and revolting that I can barely share it here.

Are you ready? Can your delicate ears stand it? Here it is!!!!

Change.

I know; your ears must be bleeding profusely now. Your mind has probably reeled in shock that I would even type such a disgusting term. But there it is, in all its evil glory. Change.

Ok, perhaps I exaggerated a tiny bit. But to be sure, change is foreign to some people and can be difficult. My parents, Momma and Daddy Aardvark avoided all change with a fury and passion like nothing I’ve ever seen. They never grew as people (aardvarks) and fought any and all changes to their lives. We only got a color TV when I was growing up because my dad couldn’t beat the old black-and-white into submission anymore.

And painful? Ask any addict who’s overcome an addiction how hurtful change can be. Ask any parent who’s lost a child how heartbreaking that change can be. Someone losing their job? Yep, that’s gonna hurt. A divorce? Yeah, I can speak on THAT little slice of heaven!

And it doesn’t have to be as severe as some of the things I listed. Since my word is change, I’m looking at things to change in my life and improve myself and my life. And it’s not easy. It requires taking a very hard look at myself. It requires breaking old habits and patterns I may have become very comfortable with. Sometimes it may involve letting someone leave my life that I’ve become attached to.

So yeah, sometimes the word change can become a “dirty word” for this adventuresome aardvark. But the bottom line is this: if you’re not changing, you’re stagnant. You’re not moving. You’re an unmoving pebble on the mountain of life.

As I wrap this post, it just hit me. I need to challenge my readers. So I challenge you to pick a “dirty word” for your life for the rest of the year. One that makes you look at yourself and grow as a person. Or whatever species you are. Either way, I think we’ll both be better off for the experience.

‘Varks Are So Random … Like This Post

So I’m taking it easy today in my backup burrough (Starbucks) and sipping a hot cappuccino with ZZ Top jamming in my earbuds (aardvarks love ZZ Top). Aardvarks have a rough life, right? I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks, so I thought I’d use my little claws and clack something out on the keyboard.

As usual, I’m writing stuff. I just put the finished touches on the seventh chapter of my latest novel. I’m going to have my #1 fangirl read over what I have to get some feedback. I also completed one new song and got a jump on another one earlier today! And of course, I’m sharing my genius on this blog today, so I’ve been a productive little critter!

RANT OF THE DAY: Why is that, on a perfectly clear, sunny day, you humans tend to drive in one of two categories: (1) slow than a chunky turtle or (2) faster than that stupid bird that goes “Beep! Beep!” all the time? I don’t think there is a third category named “Driving like ya got some sense”, based on my casual observation. Rant over.

In other news, I’ve done the unthinkable. Yes, that’s right: I’ve given up Peanut M&Ms. ‘Cause you all know aardvarks dig M&Ms, especially the peanut kind. The trouble is my waistline doesn’t dig them so much, especially when I’m buying pants (Wait! Aardvarks don’t wear pants, right?) I’m alwasy looking for ways to improve my physical health so I can be an even sexier ‘vark, and I realized I would grab a pack of those beauties almost every time I went into a grocery store, department store, etc. So they had to go. Condolences are being accepted at this time.

No changes on the “Looking For Mrs. ‘Vark” front. ‘Nuff said.

In more other news, a lot of the humans who call into my real job are … how shall I put this delicately … buttheads. Not that I’m bitter. I just hope a dung beetle makes a nest in their sock drawer. And breeds. Nothing dramatic.

“Sigh.”

This aardvark needs a vacation. Preferrably involving a Nickelback concert (aardvarks think Nickelback rules, as you well know). And perhaps an attractive female of the human species. You know … for biological studies and other intellectual pursuits.

And maybe some M&Ms. You know, the ones with the peanuts. Donations are now being accepted … just sayin’ …

Gettin’ Thin

It’s a well know fact that aardvarks are incredibly sexy creatures. It’s just a genetic thing; we can’t help ourselves. Just like poodles can’t help but be obnoxious. It’s just who they are.

It’s also know that aardvarks are very creative creatures. Give us a piece of paper and a box of crayons, and we’ll create a work of art that equals that of Van Gogh, or that guy that came up with the dogs playing poker painting. We can take a guitar with three broken strings and compose a lyrical masterpiece. We can take Scrabble sqares and create a tome to equal War and Peace. Or at the very least, a good book of fart jokes.

So what am I trying to say with all this? Simply that I’m feeling pulled a little thin today, but in a good way. As you all know, I’m a world-famous blogging aardvark. That’s why you’re reading this, ’cause I blog. It’s what I do. I’m also well into writing my second full-length book, which is one reason I don’t blog as often as I used to. And of course, I have a real-world job that rudely insists I work 40 hours a week, no matter if I like it or not.

So what does this master of time management decide to do? Start a NEW writing project!

Don’t misunderstand. It’s not a very big project, by any stretch of the imagination. I will often get small bursts of inspiration that I try to indulge. This burst involved an idea for a new song. Yes, this aardvark has a musical side, as well. I’m multi-faceted. Although to be honest, the vast majority of my musical talent usually involves an MP3 player. But still …..

So on this day, my little claws tapped out a new chapter in my latest book, this blog post, AND the beginnings of a new song! All while chomping on a chocolatey treat at my favorite bakery (aardvarks love chocolatey treats). And trust me, the sugar was needed. After all, you can’t power an imagination this incredible on a low-carb diet!

Now if I could just stretch my body as thin as my little aardvark brain …..

The Power of Music

I was in my car earlier this week, just driving along. I don’t remember where I was going. But I typically spend a lot of time in my car by myself, being a single aardvark. I almost always play music when I drive unless it’s a short distance. And I listen to many different types of music, depending on my mood.

Of course, everyone who follows this blog (all 3 of you) know I’m a huge Nickelback fan, as well as a major AC/DC listener. I was around for the 80’s hair band era. Dokken, Motley Crue, Journey, Night Ranger, Rush, Def Leppard. An incredible era for music, to be sure.

Later in life, I really got into alternative rock (hence the Nickelback fandom) and a lot of newer bands like Halestorm, Pop Evil, Alter Bridge and the like. I’m definitely a chord-cruncher at heart. I’ve also gotten in country music at times. Jason Aldean is one of my faves. I never was keen on the George Jones/Tammy Wynette style of country, though.

Of course, I’m a saved-by-the-blood-of-Jesus kinda aardvark, so contempory Christian music is usually in my playlist. Elevation Worship, Casting Crowns, and Zack Williams are on the top for me. And a lot of times in my other identity as a helpdesk tech, I’ll have instrumental slow jazz playing in the backgroud to help keep me chilled out.

So what’s the point to all this? Well, it just hit me how music plays such a large part of my life. I’m always listening to music. Even right now, I have Kiss playing in my earbuds as I’m typing this blog. I love listening to music, as most of us do, I would think. For me, music evokes a variety of feeling.

The slow jazz helps to relax me when I’m dealing with silly and/or rude humans at my job. When I’m angry, metal helps cut the edge off. Country music makes me feel at home. 80’s music reminds me of my younger days. Praise music makes me feel grateful and lifts me up when I’m feeling down.

Music can evoke all sorts of feeling and memories. Years ago, Bryan Adams did the most beautiful ballad for a movie. You might have heard it. “Everything I Do (I Do It For You.” Powerful, romantic song. But at this point in my life, I can’t bring myself to listen to it. Why, you might ask? Because it was the song played at my wedding to my now ex-wife. It’s still an awesome song. But for me, it evokes some pretty strong emotional reaction.

Mercy Me does a praise song by the name of Bring The Rain. It talks about praising Jesus even when times are dark. In my own life, it took some hard times to get me to turn my life around. It took Jesus bringing the rain into my life to get me to straighten up. That song reminds me to be grateful even when life isn’t going my way.

AC/DC (anything by them) reminds me of my late teens, when I finally realized life wan’t exactly like my parents led me to believe. That band brings back memories of my first taste of real rebellion in my life. Not to mention a few alcoholic flashbacks!

Yes, I was a naughty aardvark in my younger days!

I love guitar virtuosos like Steve Vai and Joe Satriani, men who can make a six-string speak in 30 different languages … in the same song. I love bluesy artists like the late, great Stevie Ray Vaughn.

Music is a powerful tool of sharing stories, heart, emotion, good times and bad, memories and dreams. Music can inspire people to love, live, try things they wouldn’t ordinarily, or just be at peace. Music can create an atmosphere of worship, of joy. Music can be a simple way to just pass the time on a quiet day.

Music. One of the great powers of the universe. At least, in this humble-yet-accurate aardvark’s view.

So What Happens From Here?

It hit me that I haven’t posted an update on the ol’ blog in some time. Why is this, you may ask? Why are you choosing now to post something? Where have you been? What’s on your mind these days? Are you still a sexy beast with four legs and a tail?

Well, the answer to that last question is ‘yes’, of course. All aardvarks are sexy. It’s just genetics. We can’t help ourselves.

As to where I’ve been? Well, I’ve spent most of my writing time on my second fictional piece. It’s coming along a little slower than the first, but I’m starting to make headway with it. I also rewrote the opening of a third fictional piece as a change of pace, and I really like how it turned out. What can I say? Aardvarks are naturally creative.

I’ve also gotten back into journaling. This is something that I’ve done in the past to aid my personal growth and I had gotten away from it. But one should always be looking to grow and journaling is an excellent tool. Trust me. Aardvarks know things like this.

I’m still working out and losing weight, also. I feel the best I have physically in a long time, and my doctor agrees. It takes work to be this sexy, even with the genetics. And of course, there’s always the holiday hustle and bustle to contend with. But this year was one of the more enjoyable I’ve had in some time.

So yes, this ‘vark had a full slate to end the year, but a productive one. Sadly, it did take me away from the blogging scene, but I want to spend more time here in the new year. And I’ll take productive and busy over bored and disinterested any day of the week. That’s why I have multiple writing projects and this blog and working out and a job that pays the bills and family …

… and Nickelback!! The new release rocks!!!! Any year with new Nickelback music is a good year!

If I’m not back on before, everyone have a Happy New Year! We’ll see ya in 2023!!!