Taylor Kitsch plays the title role in Disney's "John Carter."Director Andrew Stanton took a 100-year-old story by Edgar Rice Burroughs and turned it into a 21st-century frenzy of digital tricks and 3-D called "John Carter." Something gets lost in the time-warp translation as we transport back to New York in 1881, Arizona in 1868 and 19th-century Mars. What should have been a rollicking action ride becomes a stilted enterprise sabotaged by the less-than-stellar cinematic gifts of a pretty important person: the lead actor.
Burroughs, best known for creating Tarzan, launched his Barsoom series in 1912 with the serialized "Under the Moons of Mars," later published as the novel "A Princess of Mars." (Barsoom is what the Martians call their planet; Earth is Jarsoom.) The stories featured feisty former Confederate cavalry officer John Carter, and the film introduces us to a young Burroughs (Daryl Sabara), who is bequeathed his Uncle John's secret journal, filled with Martian adventures. It's too bad we don't join those adventures sooner.
Stanton ("Finding Nemo") was determined to set the stage, reset it, and set it again. His film opens during a Barsoomian battle that is a clash of technologies. While the combatants fly exceedingly advanced spaceships capable of firing blue streams of death, they are armed with swords and they dress like members of a Roman legion. Then we flash to New York, then back to Burroughs and the journal, then back further to Carter's gold-prospecting days in Arizona.
REVIEW John Carter
Who: With Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Willem Dafoe. Directed by Andrew Stanton.
Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence.
Running time: 132 minutes.
When: Opens Friday.
Where: Area theaters.
Grade: C+
I can't recall the page number, but I'm sure the guide to quality filmmaking has strict rules against opening movies with a pre-pre-preamble. It's a clear sign that the director is unsure of his story. Once Carter is magically transplanted to Mars, we finally get to have some fun as he hangs with the Heliumites while they fight the Zodangans. He is smitten with Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins), a beautiful princess-scientist-swordswoman, and runs afoul of Matai Shang (Mark Strong), leader of the mind-manipulating, body-shifting Therns. The Heliumites and Zodangans are called "red men" and "red women," though their redness looks more like the singed aftereffects of a cheap tanning lamp.
The acting is often stiff, the dialogue egregiously awkward. But the film's biggest blunder is casting.
Hunk of the month Taylor Kitsch ("Friday Night Lights") plays Carter, and he's not up to carrying the film. If Kitsch had brought an ounce of charm, charisma or humor to the proceedings, "John Carter" would have been greatly enhanced. As film fans, we're willing to overlook all kinds of shortcomings if we find ourselves rooting for, enamored with or wishing we could be the lead character.
Kitsch is kind of an important piece, considering he's in 95 percent of the film. It doesn't help that he's saddled at times with "Prince of Persia" body wear and greasy, scraggly hair twinned with a fake beard (the "Jesus of Nazareth" tryouts are down the hall).
Thankfully for "John Carter," and your movie dollars, there are the Tharks.
Tharks are green, 9-foot creatures with horns and four arms. Willem Dafoe plays the lead Thark; Samantha Morton plays his daughter. Not that you'll see their faces. (Shot in "motion capture," their Tharkness was added in postproduction). They adopt Carter, who serves them well as a brave warrior. His best moment comes during a winning in-the-arena showdown against giant white apes.
There are 10 sequels in the Burroughs series, and Disney is hoping this becomes a massive franchise. If there are follow-ups, they'll need a few tweaks, however. More Tharks, less preamble, ditch Kitsch.