What to Write in a Get Well Soon Card: Funny Messages

Last updated: July 28th, 2022 Published on: March 1, 2018

Looking for something to write in a get well soon card you’re sending? We’ve searched the internet and rummaged through our cards to find some of the most popular and unique things to say. Whether they’re in hospital or sick at home, make the patient smile or laugh by including one of our messages below.

General Get Well Quotes

Hoping for your complete recovery, because I can’t be bothered to come to the hospital for a second time!
Hurry up and get better so we can hang out again – GOD.
Remember to milk this while you can – cos you’ll be all better soon enough!
Get well soon. I can only be nice to you for so long.
You must have forgotten to eat your apple. Now you have to see the doctor.
Studies indicate that those who receive get well cards have an 80% faster recovery rate. Happy birthday.
Hurry up and get well soon so I can make fun of you again and not feel bad.
Remember that when you get knocked down by an illness, you should stay down for a while before trying to get back up.
Being sick is just your body’s way of telling you you’re way too awesome, and you need to slow down so everyone else can catch up.
I’m not a doctor… but they do say that duct tape fixes everything!
If your immune system was a lawyer, I would fire it. It doesn’t seem to be defending you well enough.
Your stupid illness is robbing me of attention. Get well soon.

Office Get Well Messages

I hate skivalitis, I had it last year and I was hauled up in Cyprus for two weeks.
Missing you in work, you owe us 10 drink rounds, 2 birthday messages, 3 collections and cakes.
I hope you feel better soon, so you can come back to work and immediately feel worse.
We’re really missing you in the office, haven’t heard your ringtone for at least [time frame].
Get well soon, coffee rounds are more frequent when you’re off.
Sorry your sick days are due to actual sickness.
Take all the time you need to recover. Your work will be here whenever you feel better. It will just be piled up extremely high on your desk.
Hurry up and get back to work you lazy git!
I know you wanted some time off work but this was a bit extreme!
Congratulations on being sick. Let me know what happens on Jeremy Kyle while I do your work for you.
I heard pretendinitis really sucks. I hope you manage to get over it.

Rude/Offensive Get Well Wishes

Here’s hoping the worst part of your surgery will be wiping with the other hand…
Get well soon. It’s too bad there’s no cure for being a [insert rude word here].
I always knew you were sick… but not in this way…
Sorry you feel like s***.
Look on the bright side, at least it’s not herpes [insert embarrassing disease].
I hope you get better soon, I reeeeaaaaally don’t have time to attend a funeral at the moment.
Get well soon – your cough is absolutely disgusting.
You better get better – I’m sick of you being sick!
Get well soon! Unless I’m the beneficiary of your life insurance, in which case I think you should stop fighting it and let yourself be at peace.
Well, it can’t all be sunshine and hookers. Get well soon!
Feel better soon. I would visit, but I don’t want what you have. Also I’m kinda busy!
I hope you’re soon feeling yourself again! Not in that way…
I wish I could take away your pain. Or at least take away the people who compare it to the time their hamster died.
Get well soon – headstones are really expensive!
An apple a day will keep anyone away… if thrown hard enough.
Please get well soon so I find you attractive again.