Some Blessings of Loss

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Of Sharing Food and Food Shared

Since we lost Bud, we have been so blessed by loving gifts of food. I’ve always deeply enjoyed cooking for others and it was shocking to not be able to cook for those first days and weeks. The steady arrival of nourishment accompanied by quiet love has give all of us a new appreciation for this gracious gesture. It’s been wonderful to not even have to think about food, yet to always have plenty when the house fills up (as it often does).

This sudden loss has opened me up in some new ways. Sudden death is hugely shocking; it knocks you out of your routines and mental grooves into a new space. It can open up a new way of being in relationship to the one who is gone; although there is no longer a physical presence, you still have all the richness and fullness of the past. You can still have an inner conversation, and you can still sense all that lies between you.

I also feel newly able to ask for help and receive it with gratitude instead of vague guilt. I’m accepting help with financial and technical issues, accepting help around the home and yard, and letting people drive me places. This may be the first time I’ve ever let people bring me food  (other than for a potluck). For perhaps the first time in my life, I also feel free to ask specifically for what I want: for me, comfort food is wintery vegetarian soups, rice-and-bean dishes, and casseroles. I know–chocolate is not on the list. I was surprised too.

Love Is The Best Seasoning

Now I am beginning to cook again, and with some pleasure, yet it is still a lovely experience to have a warm, fragrant meal brought to the door by kind, loving friends. Last night, my son and a friend were playing mandolin duets in front of the fireplace as snow fell. Cats were draped over the most comfortable chairs, and my daughter-in-law and her younger sister (who is living with us now) were converting the upstairs guest room into a cosy place for a young teenager.

The doorbell rang and in came a smiling friend with a hug and a basket of hot food. As we sat and held hands for a moment before eating together, I felt so grateful for this lively family and the ongoing life that fills this big old house.  I felt enriched by all of us sharing this food together, and the sharing with those who bring us both food and their kindness, which gives food the richest flavor of all.

A Pretty Pumpkin Soup

Since cold was coming, I decided to bake a lingering Halloween pumpkin before it froze to mush. After cleaning out the seeds and stringy bits, I poured in some broth and spices and baked it until tender. When done, you bring the pumpkin to the table and serve it as its own pot, scraping some cooked pulp into each bowl. Serve it it a deep platter, though, because a baked pumpkin tends to leak….

Baked Pumpkin Soup In Its Own Shell

1 medium (3-5 pound) pie pumpkin
3-4 cups vegetable or chicken broth
1 teaspoon fresh rosemary, stemmed
1 teaspoon fresh thyme, stemmed
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 cup fresh mozzarella, coarsely grated

Cut top off pumpkin and scoop out seeds and stringy stuff. Place pumpkin in a deep baking dish, fill with broth, herbs, and butter and bake at 350 degrees F. until tender (50-60 minutes). Adjust seasoning to taste and bring pumpkin to the table. Serve broth and baked pumpkin pulp in bowls, topped with grated cheese. Serves 4-6.

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A Huge Loss

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Cancer As Curse And Gift

For four of the six years we were married, my husband Bud dealt daily with the realities of cancer. After a long remission, his prostate cancer flared in 2006 and from that point until his death a few weeks ago, Bud lived in constant pain. Fortunately, Bud and I soon discovered Harmony Hill, a retreat center on Hood Canal in Union, Washington that offers cancer programs that truly transform the experience of cancer.

Bud took the skills and lessons gained at Harmony Hill on the road, speaking to groups about the new possibilities Harmony Hill offers to those experiencing cancer, including family members. He also started a men’s support group for those facing serious illness and disability which now continues in his name.

The Wrapping Sucks

Like so many others, Bud and I did find that cancer brings many gifts in its wake, but Bud was quick to say, “Cancer is a gift, but the wrapping sucks.”

One gift I won’t soon forget was Bud’s amazing appreciation for just being alive. He woke up happy, just because he did wake up. It is awe inspiring to live with somebody who actually embodies that delicious pleasure in life.

Bud faced his numerous losses with courage, humor, dignity and abiding love. In his final few years, Bud was able to realize his deep desire to live a life of service and had some of the happiest times of his life.

A Final Project

One of Bud’s last projects was to convert our old hot tub into a garden bed. Now lush with winter vegetables, it is one of the first things I see each day and a constant reminder to be grateful and kind. In the end, it really is kindness that counts the most.

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Creative Ways With Weeds

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When To Put Weeds On The Compost Heap

After years of embattled hand weeding, I developed a more positive relationship with my worst thugs. In recent years, I’ve been steadfast about harvesting them early and often, filling the compost pile with mounds of morning glory, horsetail, giant knotweed, and vetch.

Picked before they can bloom or set seed, all these wicked weeds offer plentiful nutrients as well as deep-mined minerals brought up by those questing roots. Lush as they are, their juicy leaves make a rich and attractively crumbly compost.

Some of these weeds are not actually growing on my property, but I’ve found that a preemptive strike on my part reduces over-the-border incursions on theirs. Though not all neighbors offer to help, I have yet to experience one who doesn’t thank me for running weed patrol along our shared property line.

The Dyer’s Garden

I’m also an avid knitter, usually for other people. Among my specialties are chemo caps made from undyed organic cotton. I also create custom-designed Angel Wing shawls, prayer shawls knit with a variety of colors and textures, each of which is assigned a value or meaning such as ‘peace’ or ‘comfort’  which I hold with intention as I knit.

I also spin yarns for use in many projects, and one of my great pleasures is to dye yarn and fabric with natural dyes. I find it utterly fascinating to experiment with natural dyes, turning plain wool into lovely, delicate shades of green and gold, rust and pale orange, gold and soft yellow.

Putting Noxious Weeds To Work

What does this have to do with morning glory? Besides adding great tilth to my compost, it makes a marvelous dye for protein fibers like wool and silk. Without any color fixer (mordant), natural yarn simmered in a morning glory infusion will turn a soft yellow. With alum as a mordant, the yarn will be a clear yellow. Add a touch of chrome and you’ll get a lively golden yellow. Copper makes the dye greener, while iron deepens it to a rich olive green.

Many of my dye plants of choice are noxious weeds; not just morning glory, but ivy, Scotch broom, Canadian thistle, horsetail, and many more. It is amazingly satisfying to free a tree from its strangle hold, then cook up a big batch of the removed ivy. It smells quite sweet, rather like asparagus when cooking, and the resulting broth makes a gentle green yarn that is really beautiful

Creative Uses For Ivy

Ivy has dozens of uses, once you start viewing it as raw material. Those who work in the fiber arts use ivy leaves and stems for dying cloth, thread, and wool, as well as for paper making. The supple young vines can be woven whole into baskets and mats or soaked and stripped into strands that combine beautifully with many other natural fibers, from flax to rayon and wool.

I suspect that a weaver or basket maker could create a gorgeous piece combining ivy with Scotch broom and horsetail. In fact, once you start thinking in these terms, some of our worst weeds start to look rather enticing. Texture, color, form, they’ve got it all!

Seeking Out Natural Dye Plants

Best of all, once we start harvesting our weeds, there never seems to be quite enough of them. I’ve had to wander far afield to gather enough Scotch broom for a rich greeny-brown dye made from the ripe seed pods. I found a grand supply in a nearby park, and was immediately granted full permission to take all I wanted.

I found my Canadian thistle source at a neighbor’s, whose rough old field hasn’t yet been mowed. The ripe seeds are much appreciated by goldfinches, those charming, bright yellow little critters that are Washington’s official State Birds. While gathering stems and leaves, I also harvested a sack of fine black thistle seed to fill my back porch bird feeder.

Hidden Garden Gold (and Copper and Bronze)

Weedy or not, most gardens are full of plants that make handsome natural dyes. Marigold petals create a wide range of yellow and orange dyes, depending on the flower color and which kind of mordant you choose to make your dye color fast. (Vinegar is a very mild and safe mordant for home dyers, as is alum.)

The bright orange roots of barberry and mahonia (Oregon grape) plants yield a variety of tints of yellow, chartreuse, and soft green. Most of the spurges (Euphorbia clan) make beautiful yellow or green dyes, but be very careful not to get that corrosive, milky sap on your hands or in your eyes!

Weeds That Give You The Blues

Classic European dye plants that are easily grown at home include blue woad (Isatis tinctoris), which ancients Brits used to paint their skin when the Romans were invading their country. Woad makes a clear blue dye, while tropical, shrubby indigo (Indigofera suffruticosa) makes a delicious array of smoky blues, as do invasive Himalayan blackberries.

Sweet Woodruff roots create a soft yet vivid red tint. Rhubarb roots make delicate green and yellow dyes and are also used as natural mordants (color setters) in many countries. The leaves make green or reddish brown dyes, while the stems make a soft, pretty pink.

Check the library for books that explain how to make safe natural dyes, then experiment freely with roots, bark, stems, seeds, foliage, and petals to discover the beautiful world of natural color hidden in your own backyard.

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Easy Care Garden Tips For Fall

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Simple Sustainable Gardening

Over the past few months, I’ve offered you several posts about simple and effective sustainable gardening techniques. Here are a few more ideas for you to consider as the great fall cleanup time arrives.

Pinpoint Problems First

Before starting your whole laundry list of fall chores, step back and consider two great questions: Where do you spend the most chore time in the garden? Which parts of the garden are the most enjoyable for you? Rarely are these places the same. Identifying our garden’s most high maintenance areas can help us to make smart choices about which garden features to eliminate or alter.

For instance, if we constantly need to weed a cracked stretch of paving, we may decide to burn away the weeds with our flame weeder, then seal the cracks with cement. If we are constantly whacking away at a fast-growing, too-wide hedge, we may choose to replace it with a fence that will never outgrow its position.

Lessons From Nature

Before you whack your garden to the ground, take time to think about which plants might rot happily in place. Often you can reduce your workload considerably by sheet composting in the garden instead of making big heaps elsewhere.

After studying natural models, from woodlands to meadows, I’ve adapted the idea of forest duff–leaf fall rotting in place–into making “self mulching” gardens. A self-mulching garden bed is filled with plants that die with dignity and can be allowed to compost in layers or sheets on site.

Learn To Chop & Drop

I always start off with a nice thick layer of mulch, usually compost or aged dairy manure, to give new plants the best possible beginning. In subsequent seasons, I use my favorite “chop-and-drop” method of grooming to speed things up. Chop-and-drop grooming involves cutting any big foliage and thick stalks into smaller pieces and letting them rot where they fall. This idea is troublesome to the tidy-minded, but think about it for a minute. Recycling in place works in the woods, so why not in our gardens?

Leave The Leaves

When we think about fading foliage as food packets that still have plenty of nutrients to deliver, we are less apt to consider old leaves as trash to be removed. Leave the leaves to rot and the garden soil will be improved.
If big, coarse leaves are involved, mow them a few times to chop them up a bit, then let them rot where they lie (even on the sacred lawn). Naturally, diseased foliage and weeds in seed are not included in the chop-and-drop program, but most healthy plant parts can easily be shredded in situ.

As a final touch, you can add a layer of mature compost over the chopped stuff to give the garden beds a more finished look. The composting process will progress faster, the garden will look tidy, and your plants will love your kindly treatment.

Easy Care Perennial Beds

If a perennial bed needs more attention than we have time for, we may blend in easy-going evergreen herbs (like lavender and rosemary) and shrubs (like hebes and ceanothus) as well as ornamental grasses. To keep maintenance to a minimum, be sure to choose evergreen, clumping grasses instead of running grasses.

Swapping out needy and short-blooming perennials for long term performers will improve the garden’s looks in all seasons while reducing the time you spend on it.  Now, there’s a deal that’s hard to refuse.

Reducing Turf Saves Time and Resources

We may also decide to replace unused parts of a thirsty lawn with beds of drought tolerant native shrubs. In shadier areas where grass does not thrive, consider swapping out turf for paving stone paths and sheets of groundcovers that don’t need coddling. Each time we make such choices, we free up a bit more time and energy for enjoying the garden instead of slaving in it. Doesn’t that sound tempting?

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