From the opening curtain, you know this animated romp is not going to be your typical retelling of Romeo & Juliet.  A small gnome wanders out onto the stage and reiterates this point by saying, “this story has been told before, a lot, and now we’re going to tell it again, but different.” I’m guessing that this sentence, along with the title, were all that the studio needed to hear before they greenlit this ridiculous retelling. The small gnome continues, “no one knows how this feud started, but it’s all quite entertaining.” He immediately follows this by reading part of, what he calls, “the long, boring prologue”. Thankfully, for the audience, a trap door opens and spares them any of the culture that was about to corrupt their young innocent brains.

            The film itself opens with thinly veiled references to different Shakespearian works. The two warring factions in the film are a family of blue garden gnomes, and another family, made up of red garden gnomes who live on Verona Drive. The blue gnomes, led by Lady Blueberry (Maggie Smith) live in the backyard of Mrs. Montague, whose house, addressed as 2B, is adjacent to Mr. Capulet’s house, addressed as Not 2B. Mr. Capulet’s backyard is where the red gnomes live, led by the bumbling fool, Lord Redbrick (Michael Caine).

            Every morning when Mr. Capulet and Mrs. Montague leave their houses for the day, the gnomes spring to life. Some of them use their day to tend to the gardening; play sports, suntan, and some just spend their day catching the same fish over and over. One of the most peculiar additions to this retelling is the gnomes’ fascination with lawnmowers. The bigger and faster the lawnmower, the more impressed the gnomes are with it. They even spend a large amount of their time racing each other down the alley on top of their lawnmowers. In one such racing scene, Tybalt (Jason Statham) cheats and causes Gnomeo to wreck his lawnmower. This of course causes Gnomeo to “Rambo up” that night to seek revenge with his friend Benny by his side. Well, wouldn’t you know it, the red gnomes’ laser security system is tripped and whilst running from Tybalt and a large lawn ornament deer named Fawn (Ozzy Osbourne), Gnomeo runs into Juliet (Emily Blunt), and falls instantly in love. They meet on top of a greenhouse while an Elton John & Lady Gaga duet plays awkwardly in the background. The whole soundtrack is actually filled with Elton John songs that have been slightly skewed to include lyrics about garden gnomes. At one point, Paris (Stephen Merchant) is even seen dressed as Elton John while trying to serenade Juliet.

            Whether it’s tribute, or just a world slightly askew, everything in the Gnomeo & Juliet universe seems to mock, if not parody the Shakespeare classic. A boy-crazy frog replaces Juliet’s nurse, and Mercutio is reduced to the role of a mute mushroom. I did however find great joy in hearing Emily Blunt sincerely deliver the line, “What’s in a gnome? Because you’re blue, my father sees red, and because I’m red, I’m feeling blue.”

            Another odd turn in the movie is the use of highly outdated pop culture references. At one point, Mrs. Montague is heard singing “Don’t Cha” by the Pussycat Dolls as she heads to the shed for her lawnmower. Another set of gnomes who are attached at their base attempt to go their separate ways before falling on their face, prompting one gnome to say to the other “I wish I could quit you.” It’s one of the few adult jokes thrown into a movie that seems highly catered to children.

            One of the surprisingly unchanged plot points of the movie was the death of Tybalt. While Tybalt is cruising around on his lawnmower, he rides by Benny and breaks off Benny’s hat. At the sight of this, Gnomeo freaks out and attacks Tybalt. They duke it out atop the speeding lawnmower for a bit before Gnomeo notices a brick wall looming ahead and slips off just in time. The lawnmower hits and throws Tybalt crashing into pieces against the wall. Lord Redbrick heads out into the alleyway to investigate the noise, and in one of the few human moments in the film, a small gnome informs him “Tybalt can’t be with us anymore.”

            The Reds then chase Gnomeo with cries of “A gnome for a gnome!” They chase him into the street where a teapot truck just happens to be driving by and drops a blue teapot, which everyone, of course, mistakes for the death of Gnomeo.

            In this society obsessed with lawnmowers, the Blues manage to somehow order an unbelievably expensive mower, The Terrafirminator, with expedited 1 hour shipping. While the gnomes wait for their lawnmower to arrive, Gnomeo is off having a conversation with a statue of Bill Shakespeare (Patrick Stewart) in the park. Gnomeo explains his situation to Bill, and Bill tells him that it seems oddly similar to one of his own stories. When Gnomeo asks Bill how his story ends, Bill informs him of the tragic tale, and predicts the same ending for Gnomeo and his love. Gnomeo gets upset at this and leaves Bill’s side.

            Back in the gardens, The Terrafirminator has arrived and Benny starts it up. He instantly wreaks havoc on not only the red gnomes’ backyard, but his own blue backyard as well. He loses control of The Terrafirminator and it sets its sights on Juliet’s tower, where she has been super glued as a punishment. Just as the manic mower is about to tear down upon Juliet’s tower, Gnomeo arrives and attempts to rescue her. Before he’s able to though, they both accept that they’re done for and simply hold onto each other as the mower destroys her tower and leaves their bodies in heap of rubble.

            This was the only moment in the film where I can say I was surprised. The very real look of despair on Juliet’s face as she accepted her death nearly brought a tear to my eye. There is a pause for reflection as the smoke rises from the rubble. Lady Blueberry and Lord Redbrick realize their ways have destroyed both backyards and their children, and vow to never quarrel again. The tragedy is complete and the lesson is learned.

            But just as the little gnome said at the beginning, “We’re going to tell it again, but different.” Gnomeo’s hand suddenly bursts from the rubble accompanied by Juliet’s. They stand up and brush the dust off themselves as their families cheer happily. They look into each other’s painted on eyes, kiss each other’s painted on lips, and Gnomeo whispers, “I think this ending is much better”.

            I wholeheartedly disagree.